Funerals and Feasts

Death in the Western world is a stiff (uh-uhm), stuffy and serious affair.  Mourners contain their grief and try not to cry too hard, evident by many a shivering chin and sniffles.  The Chinese are equally stoic when faced with death.  The difference being that the Chinese colour of mourning is white, in the West it is black. (There are many other differences too, but this isn’t the point, right now).

Enter the Caribbean way of doing things.  The Turtles drove their golf cart right into a funeral procession in Harbour Island.  Not difficult, given the island’s size (or lack thereof).  At first they thought it was some kind of party.  People were dressed in their Sunday bests, music was blaring and all of the adults had beers in their hands (the posh people wrapped a brown paper bag around their beers, the “common” ones dank uncovered beer. Maybe you get stylishly drunk when you cover the brand?).  They were loudly chatting in groups, congregated around golf carts outside the church.  It was only when the Turtles spotted people walking from the cemetery, chatting and drinking that they realized that this was no party.  It was a funeral. 

Some of the funeral goers sported t-shirts with a photo and birth date of the deceased person on the front.  (He was in his late seventies and, apparently much loved by all in the community).  At the back of the t-shirt a list of names followed two headings in bold:

Loved:

Followed by the names of everybody he loved.  He loved many people.  His widow may be a little concerned, but maybe she isn’t the suspicious type.

Disliked:

One name appeared.  Myrtle couldn’t get close enough to read the name, not due to a lack of trying, but people were starting to stare.

The lively funeral got Myrtle thinking. Maybe a party was a good way to celebrate someone’s life and, as long as the t-shirts were made from a quality fabric, you may be remembered for a fairly long time.  The final revenge on the Disliked Ones is also a nice twist, don’t you think?

Bliss

The Turtles are spending their last days in the Caribbean on an island called Harbour Island.  It is part of Eleuthera, a group of islands which in turn, form part of the Bahamas.

Harbour Island is a tiny island with brightly coloured wooden cottages lining narrow streets.  Chickens roam the sidewalks and streets (the only downside to Harbour Island, if you hate the feathered ones as much as Myrtle does, also the roosters make sure that there are not sleeping in!).   The Turtles took residence in a hotel called The Landing, built in 1800 by a doctor.  It was used as a house and is surrounded by a wide porch.  The room originally booked by the Turtles was still occupied which meant a free upgrade to a bigger room!  Old wooden floors, large bathroom and views over the small harbour.  The Turtles were in heaven.  Especially since their previous lodgings, called Orange Hill, was a grimy hovel, but we won’t linger…happy thoughts, happy thoughts.

There are some cars on the island but transport is mainly by golf cart.  So the Turtles rented a golf cart and started exploring the island.  In typical Bahama fashion the sea is a kaleidoscope of different hues of blue.  Crystal clear and clean.    Harbour Island has a unique beach – the sand is pink!  Years of natural coral erosion caused small pieces of coral, ground and bashed by the waves into tiny pink pieces as small as grains of sand and mixed with the powdery white beach sand creates a pink tinge.  Magnificent.

Sunday was one of the best days ever for the Turtles:  they took off in their golf cart to hunt for breakfast.  By chance they turned into a small hotel called Runaway Hill and made themselves comfortable on the large porch overlooking the ocean.  A lovely, leisurely breakfast was had by all. 

The Turtles boarded their tiny little golf cart and growled away into the quiet streets.  They passed many churches and from the windows of one church, the sound of voices singing drifted out.  They parked their little golf cart and headed through the glass doors.  There were about 20 kids of all ages sitting, bouncing and laughing in the pews and the Turtles shifted into the back one, for an easy getaway if needed.  The kids were all local and supervised by a large aunty with an even larger voice (and backside, but you wouldn’t dare say it to her face…).  She commanded some singing and Tiny joined in to sing hymns that Tony and Myrtle hadn’t heard since they were kids.  Of course the foreign visitors made the kids even more boisterous and eventually, after much tugging, pinching and giggling, one boy was called forward by the aunty.  “Come here, boy!” she bellowed.  He made his way to the front where she clipped him behind the ear and made him sit right under her nose.  Then she started bombarding the kids with questions:  “Who was Joseph’s last brother?”  “Ruben!” called one little voice.  “Why are you so stupid, boy?” she called.  “You said it right the first time – Benjamin!”  “What are the five books of the Law?” (The first five books of the Bible, was the right answer).  Then they all had to stand up and recite all the books of the Bible.  Impressive.  After more singing the kids dispersed to their respective Sunday school classes and the Turtles headed back home to their hotel for a midday nap. 

All three of them fell asleep within a minute and awoke two and a half hours later.  Just in time for a late lunch!  They headed to Sip-Sip, a quite little restaurant, also overlooking the beach.  As they were devouring their yummy food, another patron noticed a shadow in the clear water below.  The Turtles, inquisitive as ever, also scoured the water and saw a giant stingray swimming (or rather gliding) through the water.  Its giant wings flapping every now and again.  Wow, what a sight!  Of course Myrtle claimed that the water was too cold for swimming after the sighting but she was obviously just afraid to be stung by a stingray.  Like Steve Irwin.  No thank you.  Despite the sure headlines and shocked whispers by locals, that would not be her first choice of departure from this earth.  No sirree. 

After lunch the Turtles played on the beach, running , building, digging, more running and laughing.  Tony and Myrtle even demonstrated a race to Tiny.  A starting line was drawn in the sand and the end line about 10 yards further.  Not very far, but it required bursts of speed and a  shotgun start.  On your marks, get set, go!  Tiny was fascinated by the spectacle (Tony won, by the way) and the older Turtles had to demonstrate it over and over and over again…  Much better than sleeping pills to induce a good night’s rest, that they know now!  Dinner was a slice of take away carrot cake devoured by three Turtles on the floor of their room (and extra food for the little one, please don’t call the Welfare Department!).  What a hot dog day! (As all good days are now called, thanks Mickey Mouse!).

After three months on the road the Turtles are sure about one thing:  It has been the most wonderful experience of their lives.  It doesn’t matter if funds are low, that Tiny had to give up her toys, that they had a couple of hairy travel moments.  Nothing can take the memories away and they are so grateful for the time they could spend as a family so far.   Now they know what it feels like to be peacefully content.  They are heading back to the US tomorrow, one night in Miami then off to the Big Apple for three nights.  Freezing weather and no winter clothes! Yikes!

World Champion

The Turtles enjoy a game of table tennis (ping pong) every so often and every cruise ship as a table or two to test your skills.  Tony and Myrtle had a table tennis table when they lived in South Africa and, upon arriving back home after work, they would first play a game – loser cooks dinner.  This led to fierce competition and true colours appeared… Unfortunately (for Tony) they were already married – Tony was not aware that Myrtle was such a bad loser and Myrtle was not aware that Tony could be so ruthless when it came to competitive games.

They played a couple of matches on the ship – only if Tiny could be distracted by other kids for a period long enough to allow the older Turtles to fight it out for the Table Tennis Cruise Crown.  When the official table tennis tournament was held on the ship the Turtles were too late to enter the competition but stood around watching the other passengers fight it out.

Two semi-finalists really stood out: an old lady who returned every single smash and serve from men much younger than her. Without cracking a smile.  Not even once.  The other was an elderly gentleman with a white beard rolled to form two long “tails”. Old Lady No Smile continued to beat her opponents and one bad loser, who was asked whether Old Lady No Smile beat him, answered: “Yeah, the old lady beat me but she cheats!!”  So there are worse losers than Myrtle… 

Old Lady No Smile turned out to be the undefeated champ and the Turtles were told, by the runner up, that she was married to Long Beard.  She is 85 years old (!), he is 65 years old (you go, girl!) and they were on a world cruise.  But get this – she is the WORLD champion in her age group!  It would have been much cooler to have met Lee Westwood, but you take what you get, right?